Removing Mental Blocks

Today we’ll be talking about mental blocks. What happens almost immediately after we set a goal? Call it self-sabotage, call it second guessing, call it the distractions of life. But more often than not something happens and we either give up before we even tried, or we try for a little while and we quit.

Types of Mental Blocks:

Our psychological blocks are as unique as our fingerprints. But there are some repetitive ones, or I like to call it “flavors” of mental blocks. Almost every block that you’ll face will fall into one of three categories.

Types of mental blocks #1: “It’s impossible”

So what happens to when we first think about, “I want this” and we don’t carry through? Our mind thinks: it’s impossible. “That’s the other side of the ocean. Too far, unreachable.” Really? Has somebody ever done it? Am I saying it’s impossible or am I saying it’s impossible for me. Is this an issue with my own self-esteem? With my own self value?

Intellectualizing is not [the solution]. But it does help bringing these questions from the unconscious to the conscious mind. So, I encourage clients to ask themselves with full honesty, “Is this really impossible? Has nobody in the whole world ever done it? Am I so different than the people I know who have done it? Why don’t I think this is possible for me? Do I really want it? Am I hesitant to even say it’s possible because, deep inside, people’s telling me I want it—but I don’t really want it?

So that’s that’s mental block number one: “It is impossible.”

Types of mental blocks #2 “I don’t deserve it”

This psychological block comes in different flavors too.

I don’t deserve it—Flavor 1:  Guilt.

I had quite a bit of guilt in my life in the past. I grew up in a Third World country, surrounded by hungry, half naked, barefoot children my age engaged in child labor. When I first came to the United States, (my first self re-invention), and had abundance at the tip of my fingers, I had an issue with that at first. [I asked myself] “Who am I to be this happy, this rich, when I have relatives in the Dominican Republic who don’t know for sure whether their next meal is going to come?”

 That is a tricky [mental block to overcome], because it’s related to love. It helps to bring it from the unconscious to the conscious mind and challenge it. I encourage you to journal later, and ask yourself these questions. Ask yourself: “Am I really helping them be happier by me staying unhappy? Am I really helping anybody be richer by me staying poor on the contrary?” On the contrary, obviously, if I make it, I can help someone else. If I am happy, I can inspire someone else.

I don’t deserve it—Flavor 2: Shame (“I am not enough”).

The underlying belief here is.  “There’s something wrong with me. I am flawed; I don’t have what it takes.” Maybe it is, I don’t have an education; or I don’t have [certain resource or skill]. The belief that we are not enough is universal, we all have some version of it inside of. And [releasing that belief] also starts by bringing it to the conscious mind. But there’s more. Healing [that sense of inadequacy] requires reconnecting with our spirituality. Because we have never needed to prove to anybody that we deserve love, or are worthy, or are enough.

Divine unconditional love:

My biggest experience with that [type of love]  has been my daughter with special needs. She has been my spiritual master. In the past, I thought that, to deserve love, I needed to get straight A’s and excel at everything. Therefore, I graduated Summa cum Laude and proceeded to seek 500,000 certifications. A hematology-oncology board certification, a master in science and clinical investigation, on top of the MD degree. Which came on top of my fellowship, residency…

All those were just my own hunger to be seen, really unnecessary. And I learned that thanks my daughter. There’s absolutely no way I could love her one milligram more than I do.  I love her exactly the way she is, knowing that she may never achieve any of the milestones I considered markers of success before. That’s the type of love we get from God, our higher power.

I don’t deserve it—Flavor 2b: Shame projected on others.

Interestingly, the mental blocks “I don’t deserve it” come in a slightly different flavor I call 2b: shame projected on others. It’s the kind of paranoid mentality [that keeps us paralyzed, alleging that other people have it against us]. It’s when we say, “Oh, I could do it—but ‘they’ don’t let me.”  Imaginary, evil people in the world are blocking you in not letting you out.” “I could be a famous bestselling author, but Amazon and the traditionally published authors at blocking indie authors.” Or, “The game is wrigged against me.”

All that really goes back to the same idea of not being enough. Because if we knew for real how worthy and valuable we are, we’d know nobody can really stop us.

Types of mental blocks #3 “I don’t want to pay the price.”

The third block is my favorite, and it’s “I don’t want to pay the price.” “If I achieve X, it would be good—but then I would have to do Y, and I don’t want to.”

 For example, “It would be great to be rich—but then I would have to be a workaholic who’s at the office all the time.” “It would be great to have a successful business—but then I’d never had time to be with my children.” “It would be great to have a romantic partner—but then I’d have to clean his messes in the bathroom, and he’s going to want me to go with him to places I don’t want to go.”

My biggest experience of that was when I became a newly single woman almost a decade ago. I was thinking, “I want love in my life—but I don’t want to be controlled and manipulated. I don’t want someone always checking on me.”Like with the others, the first step to release this mental block is bringing to the consciousness And I have to thank my teacher Mark Peysha from my life coach certification program for giving me the simplest solution to that block I ever heard. I loved it: Just make a statement— sign it—saying, “I promise myself that I will have “A” without “B.” I will have more money in my life without giving up my friends.  I will have love without giving up my freedom. And trust yourself that you will carry on with that promise.

So those are the three basic flavors of mental blocks. And like, as I mentioned, everybody has different versions and combinations, and I strongly encourage you to consider a life coach to explore yours.

How to release mental blocks—Five Tools

1-Practice Awareness

As I mentioned earlier, the first step is bringing them to the conscious mind and challenging them. That’s only the beginning of the work, because much of that is subconscious; it’s spiritual—almost body energy. And there are several options to address that.

2-EFT or Meridian Tapping:

 If you have never heard of it, I strongly encourage you to search for EFT or Meridian tapping— you can find YouTube videos explaining how to do it. It’s a popular technique where you tap in specific areas of your body that are reportedly aligned with Meridian energy fields.

And I’m a scientist and tend be a little skeptical about energy work—but I’ve tried it and it works. So I encourage you to try it to help break the loop of negative thinking.

3-Affirmations

Affirmations or my favorite variant, incantations, change our inner dialogue. They practically change our body neuro neurochemistry, our state.

You may have tried affirmations in the past and be unhappy with them, and I don’t blame you. Because whenever we try to say an affirmation that doesn’t ring true, we have the opposite effect. If I’m broke and start telling myself, “I I’m a millionaire,” chances are that’s going to make me feel worse. But what I really like instead is: don’t just repeat the opposite statement—look for the deeper truth.

4-Finding a deeper truth.

There is always a deeper truth under whatever bad thing you’re telling yourself. “I’m broke,” may feel true. But what is a deeper truth you can tell? “I am rich in love.” “I am worthy of wealth.” I’m the heir of a kingdom.” [if you happen to be religious]. Whatever resonates with you at the deeper level.

5-Wholehearted alignment with your values.

But from all the techniques that try to go deeper into releasing blocks my ultimate favorite one is making sure that what you are choosing to do is in alignment with your deepest values.

Very often when we start something and we don’t finish it, or when we work towards something and we give up before starting, the real issue is that we have competing values that are contradicting each other.

For example, in that example I gave you about wanting to have a soulmate, but refusing to take a step toward it, my value of love was competing with my value of freedom. And the best way to navigate that is to know your values at the conscious level, rank them in order, and then weigh them. Anything that you do in alignment with your values will come with extra fuel, extra energy. It will come with momentum and leverage.

And that brings me to the homework for the week.

Let’s explore your mental blocks.

Think about a goal you have that has been a pain in the neck, something you want to do, but never get around to doing. Something that has been bothering you for a while.

Imagine those contradictory voices inside you as separate people; have a conversation with them and listen to their different opinions. (And don’t worry; this is not going to make you schizophrenic.)

You’ll be surprised how easy it is.

Let’s use as an example a friend of mine who wanted to publish a book for years.

She once asked me, “How can you have published nine books? How did you do it? I’ve been dragging my feet for years. I have bunches of, of drafts and I never finish them.”

Voice#1

What is the first voice saying? “[I want to publish a book]. I want to say what’s in my mind, I have this hunger to express myself. I want to be seen. I want to be heard.

Voice#2

But there’s this other voice saying. “ you’re going to be exposed. You’re going to be naked in front of everybody. They’re going to know your deepest feelings.”

Voice#3

Then, there are those other voices saying, “Who do you think you are? You’re too old for this. You should be doing something more productive, like getting a new business.”

When you are able to listen to these voices and have a conversation. Each one of them will speak for one of your values, so listen to what each voice that’s telling you.

What values do these voices represent?

“Yes. Publish that book. I want to do it” is your value of expansion  talking, perhaps your value of contribution. While there’s another voice inside you that says no. “Don’t do it. You’re going to be exposed. You’re going to be naked. People’s going to be looking at you.” And that’s your value for privacy or your value for individuality. Or maybe you understand it’s not really a value, but a fear at taboo. Perhaps it’s not really one of your values, but the value of someone else in your family who shamed you in the past.

That’s one of the best feelings ever, when we are able to differentiate what our voice is really ours or is the voice of someone else speaking.

So that’s your homework!

Closing Remarks

There’s so much I wish I could tell you. Send me a message if there’s a topic that you want to expand.

Also, if you have goals you want to accomplish, if you know, there is something inside you that you have always wanted to do, but you have not managed to do it. That means there are conflicting values inside; that means there are blocks inside you. Send me a message and I’ll be happy to work with you. The first session is complimentary. It’s called a clarity session and it’s fun and it’s relaxed to get to know each other and see if we are a good fit, and also to help you figuring out what you want. Most people say that only by doing that session, they walk away with something good.

It was great talking to you! I’ll talk to you soon.